Bulimic and Unhappy

by Raine Leep
(South Carolina)

If there's a word for how I used to be, it'd be the word "fat". In elementary school, I was pretty large. By the second grade I was already 80 pounds which is definitely not normal for a 7 year old girl. I hadn't really thought about losing weight then, no elementary school student would. But as I hit middle school, I realized that it would be a completely different story. I wasn't picked on often, but when I did get picked on, it hurt. It was basically the most embarrassing moments of my life.

By 6th grade, I was 160 pounds and only 5'2. I had a very irregular body shape and had such a difficult time fitting into the clothes that all my friends were wearing. I had chosen to not do a thing about it until the summer of 7th grade. I was at 185, by this time.I started out with self starvation during the day and then eating at night. I ended up losing about 20 pounds in a month. But after awhile this stopped working and I resorted to using laxatives after I ate any food. This merely maintained my weight and allowed me to lose about 10 pounds. It still wasn't enough for me.

I became bulimic. I ate large amounts if food, absolutely anything I wanted. And then went to the restroom to finish the task...I lost weight this way. It was unhealthy and I felt stupid and angry after. I am still bulimic. I want help but there is no one to turn too.