Never Enough

by Anonymous
(Massachusetts )

Being a teenager and being overweight is the worst thing in the world to me. I always knew I was heavy but I never really payed any attention to it until I reached the eighth grade. I was at a haunted house one night and a car full of girls asked me if I was a girl named Jenny core, and I said no, and they said oh sorry, you look just like her. That killed me inside because Jenny core is a very heavy girl I know. And knowing that people think I look like her killed me inside. I just had to do something about my weight.

Immediately after that night I told my parents to sign me up for the gym. My friend decided to join with me. I had such horrible self esteem that I didn't go to the gm without her because I felt uncomfortable going by myself. We went almost everyday for a few weeks, then it started getting boring. I knew I had to suck it up and still go but she didn't want to go anymore, therefore I stopped going as well. I signed up in October and by the middle of September I stopped. In January I had my yearly physical at the doctors. I stepped on the scale and my heart sank. I'm 5'8" and weighed 188. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to break down crying because I knew I was overweight but not that overweight.

So starting in January, I went to the gym everyday after school by myself because I knew I couldn't depend on my friend to go with me all the time because I was too scared to go by myself. I cut down on all the junk food I was eating. Instead of having an over portioned, high calorie dinner, I had a salad. I stared bringing my lunch to school instead of buying the crap they serve. I brought a half a sandwich and a healthy snack. I started to eat breakfast too. I applied this lifestyle for the rest of the year and when I went back to the doctors in august, I weighed 160.

I was proud of myself for losing almost 30 pounds. My goal was to weigh 150, and now that I'm at that weight right now, I'm sill not happy with it. I still have horrible self esteem because I'm still fat and I hate the way I look. I can't go out in public feeling confident because I'm afraid people think i'm too fat to be wearing what I wear, which is jeans and a big sweatshirt. I can't wear jeans and a cute shirt like everyone else and it sucks. Right now I'm trying out the grapefruit diet because I don't have the motivation to go to the gym anymore. My new goal weight is 130. So in a year, I lost about 40 pounds.